"Mistakes"

There’s a country song out there - it goes like this: “It’s a quarter after 1, I’m all alone and I need you now.  Said I wouldn’t call but I lost all control and I need you now.”  No truer words have ever been spoken about someone who is lonely....

Hey, I like single Jen.  I’m confident but I’m not superwoman.  I have moments where the confidence starts to evaporate and the loneliness sinks in.  And in those moments I’ve done some pretty not-so-intelligent things.

You know what I mean (hopefully?) - you’ve had a rough patch, you’re feeling lonely, you would like to have the comforting arms of a stranger (or someone who isn’t a stranger).  And since it’s safer to call someone you know, you make the one phone call you should NEVER EVER EVER make.  

Cue the return of the ex.

It works - the distraction makes the loneliness disappear, at least for a little while.

You wake up the next morning with the “Holy wow, what have I done?” soundtrack blaring from the boombox inside your head.  For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of listening to that piece of musical genius, it includes tracks such as, “What the #@*% was I thinking?” “What is wrong with me?” and my personal favorite, “The biggest idiot in the universe.”  A soulful blend of regret and satisfaction all wrapped up into one nice album, nicely set on repeat by default.

And then, immediately following the mental beat down, the other thoughts start rushing in - what does this mean?  Why am I spending so much time thinking about him? Did I really believe everything he said? Are we going to get back together?  Who wants that?

Answer: No one.  Ex’s are ex’s for a reason.  However.....in those moments of loneliness, when the heart is craving something, sometimes you do stupid things.  And, more than likely, I will continue to do so.

The good news is the mental beatdown only lasts as long as I let it.  So I’ve made mistakes.  Show me the person who hasn’t and I’ll show you a person who hasn’t truly lived. The point of this long-winded story is that we all experience (or have experienced) these crazy “mistakes” some time in our lifetime.  We can only truly call them “mistakes” if we refuse to learn something from them.  Now, can anyone tell me WHAT I learned from this.....