Help! I need a man!!

Sometimes you just need a (handy)man.

On Thanksgiving Eve, around 9:45pm, I walked into my kitchen to wash the pan I'd been soaking and...wait for it...right smack into a lake. Apparently, and some point after the first round of dishes had been washed and the pan (which by the way had the remnants of bacon grease in it) was snug in the hot water and in the process of a good soak, something decided to crap out on me.

I did a little search and found that the water (correction, greasy water) was coming from underneath the sink. I started laying down towels and doing my best to pull things out from under the sink. That's when I noticed it - my garbage disposal was peeing. No joke, there was a steady stream of greasy bacon water coming directly out of the red button thingy on the bottom of the garbage disposal. Finally it stopped.

I climbed under the sink to get a better idea of what was going on and to see if I could take the thing apart myself (yes I remembered to unplug it first). But alas - no such luck. That sucker looked like it had been welded together. I lied under that sink, pondering my options. It was the night before a holiday and I knew the complex office was closed. Uh oh...

Suddenly I found myself pacing around my apartment trying to desperately search my brain for a man who could fix my problem. I called the office and debated (for 3 different phone calls) if I warranted an "emergency after hours maintenance call." I even posted a picture to Facebook asking for help. If there was ever a time I wished I had a man around, this was it.

But then - POOF - I had an epiphany. I had something better than a man. I had the young, flirty girl charm and one hell of a smile. So, on call #4 I pushed the button for emergency. And, in my best damsel-in-distress voice I begged for help at 10:30pm.

And guess what? My garbage disposal was replaced by 11pm.

Turns out I don't need a man after all...just a whole lot of shameless flirting.

May you all enjoy your assets!!

Sometimes You Just Have to Walk Away

So we've established that I'm single again - I think I may have actually been single-ISH before being single. Confusing, I know, but what else would you expect from me?

I've come to the conclusion that I'm slightly too easy-going in my relationships. I put up with a lot. A lot more than most of my friends think I should (just ask them). And I'm WAY too forgiving and understanding. This past weekend I realized, through a series of events (that we won't talk about in this particular blog session - none of you has that much available time for reading), that sometimes you just have to walk away. (Read: really single this time)

I've put myself out there a number of times in my life, opened my heart and let people in. Sometimes these people hold it gently and treasure it, sometimes they trample on it, and sometimes they really don't care whether or not they have access to it. It seems, however, that I have a knack for finding that third type - those who are apparently oblivious and couldn't give a rat's behind that I've taken down that wall - or the amount of strength and courage it took to do it.

The problem is, because I've opened my heart, I spend my time and energy trying to get these people to see that, to acknowledge it, to respond somehow. And, inevitably, I always end up hurt. I hang on for just a little too long instead of paying attention to the flashing neon signs and usually end up thinking, "what the bleep is wrong with me?? I'm so needy". Sigh.

Anywho, I finally paid attention to a couple of those signs. (Yay me) And realized in the process that sometimes these people will remain oblivious to what they have and, despite whatever positives there may be, you just have to skedaddle. This is me skedaddling.

I'm not saying that they weren't worth every second - I wouldn't change a single thing about any of the experiences or relationships that I've had. Each one has changed my world. So, to paraphrase one of my all-time favorite songs -

He was my best friend
And it broke my heart
But I don't regret the day that he became
One of those I've loved along the way

I wouldn't be the (wo)man I am today
If not for those I've loved along the way

May today you all find those who treasure your love...

And Just Like That...

Single Jen is back.

To be honest, single Jen has been around for a few weeks or so but I honestly dreaded having to change my "official" Facebook status and tell the world that my relationship had gone clockwise down the toilet. Why, you ask? Well, if you have to ask, then you've never been 33 and single. Well-intentioned folks start with the "I'm so sorry" and then the jolly "next time!" or the "more fish" thingy and then slowly progress to the "you should meet..." sentiments.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the love and support people show when something no-so-fantastic happens (like when you go all in on a losing bet) but I can't help feeling like I'm supposed to somehow be trying harder when people ask about my dating life.

The good news is that I learned a few things this time around - and since I know you're all dying to hear those, I'll share. 1. Apparently I actually CAN be in a relationship. Feel free to snicker, but I'm pretty sure there were bets going around on whether or not I could handle relationship-ness. I can. So there. 2. I know who I am. It took awhile, but I can without a doubt tell you that I know me - want I want, what I expect, who I want standing next to me, and what I'll compromise on. That's a large accomplishment in life, if I do say so myself. And finally, 3. Sometimes, they're just not that into you.

The other good news is that I now will have plenty to blog about as I delve back into the world of singlehood. Now, please excuse me while I go order my crazy-cat-lady starter kit.

May your days be filled with those who love you as you deserve...