Normally, we don’t take the time to reflect on our lives except during or immediately following a crisis. We regroup, reevaluate and re-prioritize. But then, once the crisis subsides we return to our everyday routine and reflections take a back seat to the day to day. And little by little, the lessons we learned about life and about ourselves disappear. Even I’m guilty.
Without boring you with too many details, let me just tell you that I have a health condition that has brought with it chronic pain for years. In 2009 I ended up in the emergency room only to be told that it was simply anxiety. See a therapist and I’d be fine. Last year, finally, one fantastic PA looked me in the eye and said, “We’re not stopping until every rock is turned over. We’ll figure it out.” After a number of tests and the dreaded scan of my head, he found it - an actual medical diagnosis, a name to what was happening. The whole process was a tad bit scarier than I’d like to admit. Going through it alone (read: I’m single) was difficult in itself. Most of the symptoms are just embarrassing, like balance and speech issues or forgetting to turn the oven off 3 hours after making dinner, but the chronic pain is what forces the almost daily reflections on my life. But I’m a firm believer that every single thing in life presents a teachable moment if we just take the time to listen.
While I completely understand that some of you will not relate to the illness portion of this post (and I truly wish that no one on the face of this earth EVER had to), it is my hope that you can relate based on circumstances within your own life and have developed your own “what this crisis has taught me”. Here’s some of what chronic pain (my own personal crisis) has taught me:
1. I am stronger than I ever believed imaginable.
2. Life is never guaranteed and should never be taken for granted.
3. The truest people in your life will stick through you and the crisis, and life is too short to spend time on people who are a waste of your space.
4. Seriously, life doesn’t need to be lived seriously.
5. All the pain meds (or any other numbness-inducing item) can’t even remotely compare to a great night with great friends and lots of laughter.
6. Plans are great, but flexibility is key.
7. It will never, ever, ever be helpful (or end the pain) to listen to the negative little voice in your head (although I still do at times).
8. You do not need to suffer alone in silence. There are people who want to know your life (the good and bad). The more you talk, the more people can help you carry your burdens. Letting people in is not a weakness.
My mother shared once that her cancer made her, ironically, freer. She no longer worried about the little things, what people thought of her or the negativity in life. So powerful - the idea that a crisis gives us the courage to be nice to ourselves. Too many times we focus on our faults, until the crisis subsides and we see that we really are wonderful and amazing. I implore each of you to take the time today to focus on your strengths - what you already know, who you already are - and silence the negative voice in your head.
“You and me, Know what it’s like, To be kicked down, Forced to fight
But tonight, We’re alright, So hold up your light, Let it shine”
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