No Soliciting!

So my mind works kind of like a puppy playing fetch who sees a rabbit out of the corner of her eye and takes off running around in circles trying to catch the rabbit, only to finally realize the rabbit is gone and then goes back to whatever else is happening at the moment.  I tend to have moments when my mind goes off on random tangents and I sit there for an unspecified amount of time pondering life's greatest questions, until I move on the next exciting thing. Because you have chosen to read this, I'm going to assume you have entered at your own risk and are prepared to go on one of those convoluted journeys with me.  So, sit back, relax and enjoy the show.

Today we shall ponder the idea of unsolicited advice (or opinions, you pick the word).

I'm starting to think that there is some kind of unspoken national holiday that no one seemed to share. Maybe it's more like a holi-month. I tend to get a wave of these particular comments right around the same time each year.  Like some uber secret society where you have to know the door knock and the handshake and the magic word to get in and once in they give you the title of the holiday and ask you to go celebrate. I really should email Hallmark since they seem to be the co-conspirators in a lot of random holidays.  I thought perhaps it was just me and my craziness, but then a very good friend shared that it happened to her too. So now I'm slightly more convinced that August is "National Tell People How to Live Their Lives Because They Seemingly FORGOT to Ask The Other 11 Months" Month. Hallmark should be able to make millions.

There seem to be certain types of unsolicited opinions that people feel way too comfortable in sharing. Please note the key word for the remainder of this blog is "unsolicited" - we're talking about things I don't ask for. Being single I hear it all the time - opinions about boyfriends and marriage and babies and houses and picket fences and dogs and dying alone and blah blah blah.  These opinions are carefully crafted messages designed to be "well-meaninged" but they always seem to put me on the defensive.  For the record: I only have 1 cat, I was not swayed by Disney's idea of romance (they were cartoons), I do not sit at home and eat dinner by candlelight with my pretend-boyfriend (he works late a lot), my life isn't miserable (I have moments, but doesn't everyone?) and no, I do not need you to fix me up with your co-worker's neighbor's brother.

On the flip side, there are some opinions that seem to be off-limits (or at least that you're not supposed to say without being called some incredibly creative names).  For example, what would happen if I walked up to someone and said, "You really should divorce your husband.  He's a bit of a dbag and you would be soooooo much happier single." OR, "You know, if you just shipped that kid off to boarding school you could spend Friday nights at the bar." Or finally this one, "Oh, you had a fight with your husband? I have JUST the person who I can fix you up with! You guys have so much in common!!"

I'm fairly certain that the outcome of any of those sentences wouldn't be all that pretty. (Side note, this actually happened to a friend of mine, and it provided a good excuse to practice all of the words my former Navy-father taught me).

So here's my point - random, well-meaninged, "because I want you to be happy" comments have one fatal flaw - they presume that people are not happy (blog disclaimer: no, I'm not absolutely, positively happy every single moment of every single day - are you?).  And when we make presumptions, we're really just making judgements.  And nobody likes to be judged. I could very easily counter that each one of my comments above was made with the best of intentions, with nothing but love.  But for whatever reason, they're not so easily accepted as "you really should get married" or "we need to find you a man!"or "you don't want to end up at the end of your life, dying alone and lonely."  (Yes, I have actually had that said to me)

Bottom line - we're not all the same, and the same things don't make us happy, and we don't truly know a person's backstory.  It's all just about love and acceptance...