So I just finished watching "Green Lantern" (yes, again - Ryan Reynolds in green spandex?? Who wouldn't watch that repeatedly?) and I wanted to give a great big THANK YOU to the writers. Now, I'm sure that when they were putting the storyline together they didn't sit down and think about how the single girl might view the ending, or what deep philosophical lesson she might take from it, or even that it would be any different than any other superhero movie. Ever. But between the half-naked shots of Mr. Reynolds and the distracting green spandex (yay for that) there was a lesson to be learned.
SPOILER ALERT!!!
The superhero leaves at the end.
We've grown up on these stories where the hero swoops in, saves the single and unfortunate girl and they live happily ever after. Every time you put a superhero in a movie there inevitably has to be a love story that goes along with it, and it always culminates with the same damn ending. They end up together. Forever. Or at least through the credits and then on in your mind.
Think about it - as young girls we're read Cinderella. The charming prince (read: hero) saves the girl from a life of wicked slavery. TA-DA! Then there's Sleeping Beauty. No need to rehash that story. Superman, anyone?
So what do we learn as young girls? Every single girl needs a superhero.
But in Green Lantern, Ryan Reynolds leaves. He flies off. With some crazy line about have to be "gone for awhile." And guess what happens then? Nothing. The girl doesn't break down sobbing or dwelling on how her life has now been ruined since the man who just saved her is leaving. She goes on. At least through the credits, and then on in my mind.
Superheroes swoop. They swoop in, they swoop out. They're great for the big stuff but not so fantastic with the day-to-day, not-feeling-so-good, have-mucus-running-down-my-face kinds of stuff. I had a superhero and I remember telling my friends - he's great for the big stuff (he flew out to Ohio when I needed him to be there) but not so great on anything else. Recently he's decided his flight plan would include California once again.
I don't need (nor do I want) a superhero. I'm confident in me - I know that I'm fully capable of taking care of myself. What I want, eventually, is a partner. Someone who can stand next to me in the bad moments, bring me Nyquil when I'm sick, share my successes without feeling overshadowed and partake in my life in every moment, not just the ones he thinks he can save me from. I don't need saving.
Thank you Green Lantern.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Loving, Losing and Life's Reminders
I have a confession - I don't like to lose. Now, most of you reading this just let out some version of a snort and a "no way, really?" but that distaste extends to most areas of my life.
I've been to more funerals in the last 6 months than most people go to in years. I've had to fly home twice in 3 years just to attend one. I'm kind of done with funerals. And those are just the losses that had some concrete service to attend. There have been others...
I've always lived by the philosophy that it's better to feel something than nothing at all. Giving up the losses in my life would mean that I have to also give up the love I received from each of those people. And there is nothing in this world that would make me want that.
But recently I'd gotten to the point where I was in a bit of an emotional crisis. I'd opened my heart and I'm fairly certain it was attacked with a potato masher. Couple that with the multiple losses in a few short weeks (including a recent loss of a very dear friendship) and you have one emotionally-spent Jen. I shut down. It was if my heart finally said, "Enough. I've got nothing left to give. There's nothing left in here to break." Some unconscious part of me realized that if I didn't open my heart again, there would be no risk of loss. That was it, I was done.
It was time for some mind-numbing therapeutic entertainment. I sat down and threw in "The Sweetest Thing." Yes, I know that technically it's a romantic comedy, but the penis song alone is worthy of some laughs. That was what I needed, to escape my own brain for a short moment in time.
And then a crazy thing happened. Life offered me a reminder. There's a scene near the end where Cameron Diaz is leaning against a door repeating, "I will not be afraid." That one line spoke to my core. Here I was, being afraid of hurting. So, if it's good enough for Cameron Diaz, it's good enough for me.
I realized in that moment I couldn't be afraid of opening my heart. I wouldn't give up the moments I had in my past with the people I loved, why would I give up future ones? It's one of life's greatest ironies - you can't have one without the other. You can't have absolute bliss and happiness without risking heartbreak. It's bound to happen sooner or later. You can't experience the love of others if you don't offer love in return.
So for this holiday season, my present to me is the gift of no fear. Feeling something rather than nothing at all. Of course, if I had my way 2012 would be filled with nothing but positive feelings. I am, however, braced for anything that the universe may throw at me.
May you all find love (however you define it) and happiness this holiday season.
I've been to more funerals in the last 6 months than most people go to in years. I've had to fly home twice in 3 years just to attend one. I'm kind of done with funerals. And those are just the losses that had some concrete service to attend. There have been others...
I've always lived by the philosophy that it's better to feel something than nothing at all. Giving up the losses in my life would mean that I have to also give up the love I received from each of those people. And there is nothing in this world that would make me want that.
But recently I'd gotten to the point where I was in a bit of an emotional crisis. I'd opened my heart and I'm fairly certain it was attacked with a potato masher. Couple that with the multiple losses in a few short weeks (including a recent loss of a very dear friendship) and you have one emotionally-spent Jen. I shut down. It was if my heart finally said, "Enough. I've got nothing left to give. There's nothing left in here to break." Some unconscious part of me realized that if I didn't open my heart again, there would be no risk of loss. That was it, I was done.
It was time for some mind-numbing therapeutic entertainment. I sat down and threw in "The Sweetest Thing." Yes, I know that technically it's a romantic comedy, but the penis song alone is worthy of some laughs. That was what I needed, to escape my own brain for a short moment in time.
And then a crazy thing happened. Life offered me a reminder. There's a scene near the end where Cameron Diaz is leaning against a door repeating, "I will not be afraid." That one line spoke to my core. Here I was, being afraid of hurting. So, if it's good enough for Cameron Diaz, it's good enough for me.
I realized in that moment I couldn't be afraid of opening my heart. I wouldn't give up the moments I had in my past with the people I loved, why would I give up future ones? It's one of life's greatest ironies - you can't have one without the other. You can't have absolute bliss and happiness without risking heartbreak. It's bound to happen sooner or later. You can't experience the love of others if you don't offer love in return.
So for this holiday season, my present to me is the gift of no fear. Feeling something rather than nothing at all. Of course, if I had my way 2012 would be filled with nothing but positive feelings. I am, however, braced for anything that the universe may throw at me.
May you all find love (however you define it) and happiness this holiday season.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Single at the Holidays
Just recently someone was telling me her plans for New Year's which involved some fundraising event...meant for singles. She's slightly older than I am (okay, she's in her 50s) and single but she went on and on and ON about this party. Then she says, "You really should do that too. You won't end up alone on New Year's."
Huh?
Okay, okay, okay - I get it. I'm single. It's the holidays. Many holiday gatherings are geared toward the relationship-prone. Invitations come addressed to +1 which, unfortunately, is not a Google+ reference. I just met a guy on a plane who offered to fly me out to Indianapolis for his company holiday party. Yes, you read that correctly. I met the guy on the plane and after 2 hours of conversation he said he'd fly me out to go with him to the party. Apparently, company gatherings for single men can be just as uncomfortable as for single women. But I digress.
I stood there trying to imagine what she was picturing my New Year's Eve was going to be. Did she think I'd be sitting on my couch alternating between crying and shoving large spoonfuls of high fat content ice cream into my mouth as I watched the ball drop all alone wishing beyond all human comprehension that I wasn't single? Really? (Side note: I have actually done that. I'm not superwoman for crying out loud. But not this year, and I didn't really appreciate the assumption.)
Let me point out something here that I thought (until now) was too obvious for words...just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm going to be alone. I actually have New Year's plans. Believe it or not.
So please, please, PLEASE do not pity your single friends at the holidays. Some may be choosing to be single, some may just need your support. But what none of us need is pity (or the pity-invitation).
Happy (Single) Holidays!!!
Huh?
Okay, okay, okay - I get it. I'm single. It's the holidays. Many holiday gatherings are geared toward the relationship-prone. Invitations come addressed to +1 which, unfortunately, is not a Google+ reference. I just met a guy on a plane who offered to fly me out to Indianapolis for his company holiday party. Yes, you read that correctly. I met the guy on the plane and after 2 hours of conversation he said he'd fly me out to go with him to the party. Apparently, company gatherings for single men can be just as uncomfortable as for single women. But I digress.
I stood there trying to imagine what she was picturing my New Year's Eve was going to be. Did she think I'd be sitting on my couch alternating between crying and shoving large spoonfuls of high fat content ice cream into my mouth as I watched the ball drop all alone wishing beyond all human comprehension that I wasn't single? Really? (Side note: I have actually done that. I'm not superwoman for crying out loud. But not this year, and I didn't really appreciate the assumption.)
Let me point out something here that I thought (until now) was too obvious for words...just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm going to be alone. I actually have New Year's plans. Believe it or not.
So please, please, PLEASE do not pity your single friends at the holidays. Some may be choosing to be single, some may just need your support. But what none of us need is pity (or the pity-invitation).
Happy (Single) Holidays!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)