So Glad That's Over...

In case you didn’t know, last Sunday was Mother’s Day.  Yes, that was sarcasm. While most people were busy updating their profile pictures and sharing their Mother’s Day plans on social networking sites, I was busy in Vegas trying to pretend that the day didn’t exist.   I purposely picked this weekend to make travel plans because I knew that the more distracted I was the better off I would end up being.

For the past 4 years, I have dreaded the months of April and May.  There’s so much build-up to Mother’s Day that you can’t go anywhere without being struck upside the head with it.  And before you try telling me that after 4 years, these holidays should be getting easier please know that I WILL hurt you if you say that.  In the last 4 years I have reached milestones and experienced profound heartaches that make me miss my mom even more than I do on a daily basis.  While these days don’t usually knock me over for extended periods of time anymore, they still hurt my heart.

As April comes to an end, I usually make minor adjustments to my life in order to cope.  I stop watching live TV, my trigger finger is ready to change the radio dial in the event of a commercial break, and I avoid the grocery store like the plague (it can be emotionally draining to be stuck in the checkout line with magazine headlines screaming at you).  This year, however, I unexpectedly found myself engrossed in a “Who the Bleep” marathon on the Investigation Discovery Channel while multi-tasking on my phone and before I knew what was happening, a commercial break hit.

Cue the entertainment.

Up pops at 1-800-Flowers commercial (or a ProFlowers, but that’s not really the point) reminding me that Mother’s Day was right around the corner (as if I could possibly forget).  And then comes the line that stuck in my head and caused an uncontrollable fit of emotional rollercoaster-ness – “guaranteed to make mom smile.”  Does anyone know how they can prove that?

I immediately wondered if there was a money-back guarantee…and if I could sue them for false advertising.   And then I realized that my mom was probably laughing right there with me.   And then I became slightly bitter that I really didn’t know if she was.  And then I became sad that I couldn’t hand her flowers of any kind anymore.  And then…and then…and then “Who the Bleep” came back on.

My point is this – cherish the days you have with the ones you love.  Live, laugh, love out loud.  And always, always remember that everyone has a story.

For now, I’m just incredibly grateful that it’s over for at least another 364 days – I was running out of groceries.   

From 0-67

Previously on "Yes, I'm Single"....we delved into the great world of online dating.

The night of that blog posting, I bit the bullet and created an online dating profile.  I actually hit "create profile" at 10:06pm (this becomes relevant in just a second I promise).  By the time 5pm hit the very next day (5 hours short of a 24 hour timeframe) I had....wait for it....if you're clever you've already figured it out....67 total contacts.  67???  Now, I personally think very highly of myself, but even I don't think that there are 67 single men out there who want to date me.  I'm not even sure I've met 67 interested men total in the 33 years I've walked this planet.  And, if by some random chance I'm wrong here, where the BLEEP have these 67 men been???

Okay, sorry about the rant.

I asked a great friend how to go about working through all of this randomness and he offered some fantastic advice.  I deleted a few right from the top based on his suggestions, but being the therapist and always interested in human behavior, I gave more than a few of them a good read-through.  Let's review some of the more amusing ones, shall we?  I promise to keep screen names and other identifying information just to myself.

Example #1 of 67 (no, we're not going through all 67)

Age: 29

Do you own a car? Prefer not to answer 

Wait, what?  You prefer not to answer whether or not you own a car?  That could be a problem.

Example #2
Age: 34
Blah blah blah lol blah blah lol blah blah blah blah lol blah lol....
Seriously? 8 lol's in 1 message?  Deleted.

Example #3 (My favorite)
Age: 42
"think i met u last night if so u are a cool chick"
Like Shaggy says, it wasn't me.

And last but certainly not least Example #4
Age: 37
"if i were to date you nobody has to know"
Just keep it on the down looowwwwww....nobody has to know.....


Ok - so we've learned a few things from the mass quantity of contacts - 1, sometimes you gotta wade through a lot of frogs and 2, I seriously have issues with spelling and grammar.

I'm not giving up though - there was at least one of the 67 that may warrant a response.  Fingers crossed!

To Be Continued...

My Foray into the World of Online Dating

First, I apologize for the mini-blogcation.  Apparently it's been so long since I posted that I actually forgot the password to log in.  And then Google almost made me promise my first-born just to get a new password.  But here I am (take that Google)!

Now, on to the fun!

I recently decided that some changes may need to be made to my dating life.  In other words, there are re-runs on the History channel that are more interesting than dates I've been on.  So....I started thinking creatively about online dating.  I was always the one who stayed away from this form of meeting men, but since there's only so much Pawn Stars a person can watch in a month, I figured I'd give it a whirl.

I was in a conversation with a friend who routinely uses dating sites and he was explaining to me the pros and cons of this brand new world.  Blog disclaimer:  I am neither endorsing nor am I criticizing any of the dating sites I may accidentally mention from this point forward.  I just need to put that out there - the last thing I need is to get blackballed from online dating.  That would just be bad.

Anywho, we were talking about one well-known site and he shares that you have to answer a series of questions chosen by the potential match before any information is shared.  My first thought was - "that's a lot of work."  My second thought was - "and you wonder why you're single."  Ok, bring on the questions.  The good news here is that there are actually standardized answers that won't make you sound like a nutjob.  Positive points for that.

Everything was going fine until he proceeds to show me MULTIPLE pictures from profiles.  Uh oh, this could be a problem.  I'm the girl who instinctively hides when a camera comes out, like some alarm starts blaring DANGER DANGER and I duck for cover.  I've always been like that - I hate pictures. I hate pictures more than I hate creamed spinach.  And I seriously hate that.  He explains to me that while you always look at the best pictures, you really need to focus on the worst ones.  It's at this point where I start wondering how many profile pictures can include my cat before potential matches begin to think I'm crazy.

Anyone have an answer for that?  Anyone?

Okay then....multiple pictures where I don't look like I'm the old cat lady.  Hmmm....I wonder if Glamour Shots is still in business....

Never mind - I think I'll just continue to watch Pawn Stars and hope that Mr. Right comes randomly knocking on the door.

Help! I need a man!!

Sometimes you just need a (handy)man.

On Thanksgiving Eve, around 9:45pm, I walked into my kitchen to wash the pan I'd been soaking and...wait for it...right smack into a lake. Apparently, and some point after the first round of dishes had been washed and the pan (which by the way had the remnants of bacon grease in it) was snug in the hot water and in the process of a good soak, something decided to crap out on me.

I did a little search and found that the water (correction, greasy water) was coming from underneath the sink. I started laying down towels and doing my best to pull things out from under the sink. That's when I noticed it - my garbage disposal was peeing. No joke, there was a steady stream of greasy bacon water coming directly out of the red button thingy on the bottom of the garbage disposal. Finally it stopped.

I climbed under the sink to get a better idea of what was going on and to see if I could take the thing apart myself (yes I remembered to unplug it first). But alas - no such luck. That sucker looked like it had been welded together. I lied under that sink, pondering my options. It was the night before a holiday and I knew the complex office was closed. Uh oh...

Suddenly I found myself pacing around my apartment trying to desperately search my brain for a man who could fix my problem. I called the office and debated (for 3 different phone calls) if I warranted an "emergency after hours maintenance call." I even posted a picture to Facebook asking for help. If there was ever a time I wished I had a man around, this was it.

But then - POOF - I had an epiphany. I had something better than a man. I had the young, flirty girl charm and one hell of a smile. So, on call #4 I pushed the button for emergency. And, in my best damsel-in-distress voice I begged for help at 10:30pm.

And guess what? My garbage disposal was replaced by 11pm.

Turns out I don't need a man after all...just a whole lot of shameless flirting.

May you all enjoy your assets!!

Sometimes You Just Have to Walk Away

So we've established that I'm single again - I think I may have actually been single-ISH before being single. Confusing, I know, but what else would you expect from me?

I've come to the conclusion that I'm slightly too easy-going in my relationships. I put up with a lot. A lot more than most of my friends think I should (just ask them). And I'm WAY too forgiving and understanding. This past weekend I realized, through a series of events (that we won't talk about in this particular blog session - none of you has that much available time for reading), that sometimes you just have to walk away. (Read: really single this time)

I've put myself out there a number of times in my life, opened my heart and let people in. Sometimes these people hold it gently and treasure it, sometimes they trample on it, and sometimes they really don't care whether or not they have access to it. It seems, however, that I have a knack for finding that third type - those who are apparently oblivious and couldn't give a rat's behind that I've taken down that wall - or the amount of strength and courage it took to do it.

The problem is, because I've opened my heart, I spend my time and energy trying to get these people to see that, to acknowledge it, to respond somehow. And, inevitably, I always end up hurt. I hang on for just a little too long instead of paying attention to the flashing neon signs and usually end up thinking, "what the bleep is wrong with me?? I'm so needy". Sigh.

Anywho, I finally paid attention to a couple of those signs. (Yay me) And realized in the process that sometimes these people will remain oblivious to what they have and, despite whatever positives there may be, you just have to skedaddle. This is me skedaddling.

I'm not saying that they weren't worth every second - I wouldn't change a single thing about any of the experiences or relationships that I've had. Each one has changed my world. So, to paraphrase one of my all-time favorite songs -

He was my best friend
And it broke my heart
But I don't regret the day that he became
One of those I've loved along the way

I wouldn't be the (wo)man I am today
If not for those I've loved along the way

May today you all find those who treasure your love...

And Just Like That...

Single Jen is back.

To be honest, single Jen has been around for a few weeks or so but I honestly dreaded having to change my "official" Facebook status and tell the world that my relationship had gone clockwise down the toilet. Why, you ask? Well, if you have to ask, then you've never been 33 and single. Well-intentioned folks start with the "I'm so sorry" and then the jolly "next time!" or the "more fish" thingy and then slowly progress to the "you should meet..." sentiments.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the love and support people show when something no-so-fantastic happens (like when you go all in on a losing bet) but I can't help feeling like I'm supposed to somehow be trying harder when people ask about my dating life.

The good news is that I learned a few things this time around - and since I know you're all dying to hear those, I'll share. 1. Apparently I actually CAN be in a relationship. Feel free to snicker, but I'm pretty sure there were bets going around on whether or not I could handle relationship-ness. I can. So there. 2. I know who I am. It took awhile, but I can without a doubt tell you that I know me - want I want, what I expect, who I want standing next to me, and what I'll compromise on. That's a large accomplishment in life, if I do say so myself. And finally, 3. Sometimes, they're just not that into you.

The other good news is that I now will have plenty to blog about as I delve back into the world of singlehood. Now, please excuse me while I go order my crazy-cat-lady starter kit.

May your days be filled with those who love you as you deserve...

Sabotage

So, Relationship Jen just hit her first speed bump. I think it was actually some form of Single Jen lying in the middle of commitment road. How's that for a visual?

I have this voice in my head. No, not the ones where only medication will quiet them, but ones who like to tell me that I'm not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, you name it. Sometimes that voice gets stuck on repeat and I find myself being lulled into accepting that to be true. I hit that place this past weekend. I found myself telling people not to get too excited about recent posts of a relationship because I wasn't sure things were going to work out.

I didn't realize at the time just how clearly I was sabotaging myself. It wasn't until I had a couple of conversations with a great friend (which weren't even about me) that I had the big aha moment. Instead of idly listening to the delusional voice in my head, I had to be strong enough to say what I wanted and know that I deserved it. I had to believe in myself, have some faith in me. And, after some thought, I realized I wanted Relationship Jen (and the relationship). So I had an amazing conversation with an amazing boyfriend, and suddenly the voice in my head quieted.

I'm fairly certain this stupid voice in my head will return at some point, but at least now I'm ready. Single Jen will not sabotage me again. And even if she tries, I know I have the people around me who can shut her up.

And since I know I didn't say it before, thank you to a phenomenal friend for the insight - I'm incredibly grateful to have you in my life.